i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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