i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
