I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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