Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
