someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
