Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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