i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
