She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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