All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
