I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
