i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
