You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
