He is like the real live version of the state fair..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
