i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Pants are for mortals
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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