So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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