A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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