im about as happy as oj after his trial
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
