Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
