The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
