I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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