the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
