Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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