she looked like the before picture.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
