i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
