It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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