The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize