You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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