you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
