How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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