im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize