Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
