I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is the high leading the old right now
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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