She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
