Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
