I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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