I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
