Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
