I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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