idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
