Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
