I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize