Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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