I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
