You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
