I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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