I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
