i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
