we're chasing vodka with high fives
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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