I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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