do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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