I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
