Girls should come with a carfax report
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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