I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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