if you like me you must not know who I am
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
