Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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