went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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