New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
