i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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