If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this just has baby written all over it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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