apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize