how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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