SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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