I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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