He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
