Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
