I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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